To skip a subject: The gains and at what expense

erover heen praten

[SHE HAD A TENDENCY TO JUST SKIP THE SUBJECT]

I have discovered that I can easily skip a subject. So easily that I often can’t even remember the subject – what it was that managed to escape my attention. I also discovered that there are many people who do the exact same thing.

Here’s a clear-cut example: Someone asks how I’m doing. I say, ‘Fine. You know, busy, and all . . . Bla bla.’ What I’m not telling is that yesterday, I felt absolutely rotten. On my day off even. At least the skipping is clear to me in this example. Most likely to the other person as well. On some level in the “undertow”, we know very well that something is wrong. Appearance, the look in someone’s eyes, or their tone of voice (in my case a little too chirpy) speaks volumes. In most cases, the ones who ask the question will likewise skip the subject.

Here’s the gain: I can avoid the confrontation. With myself and with the other person. It feels as if this way I’m not troubling them with my dark mood. They won’t be burdened. For instance, I’m not telling how I experience the relationship with or towards the other person. And skipping the subject, allows me to pretend it isn’t there . . .

And here’s at what expense, which I usually find out the hard way: I feel lonelier, because I’m not telling how I really feel. Little by little I lose touch with myself. Inside me it gets all tangled up: my feelings and thoughts are blurred. At these moments, I’m very likely to switch to more bla bla.

Just think how often you or other people skip the subject. Still, the unsaid often turns out to be the most valuable. To you, but to others as well. I’m curious to learn about your experiences.